i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
