I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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