Ambien. No doubt about it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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