I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
