Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
