Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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