You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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