Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
