at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
