Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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