no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
