so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
