This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
