yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
