I think my fart just growled at me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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