he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
