You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
