I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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