Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize