I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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