i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
