I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
