I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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