the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
