I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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