All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
