You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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