So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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