two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
