They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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