Where is the hickey?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
