my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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