why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
