I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
All the doctor said was why
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
