for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I understand Curling. That high.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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