I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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