No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
