I can't watch pbs sober anymore
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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