just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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