Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
