I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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