Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
