dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
