Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
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I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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