So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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