I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
