i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
