Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
