The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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