Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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