I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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