He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
