ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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