I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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