Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
