It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
