All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize