he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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