What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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