My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
