I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
