Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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