I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize