you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
