doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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