So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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