OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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